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The New Pledge of Allegiance

January 25, 2017

The esteemed president of the United States, Donald Trump, has designated January 20 as Patriot’s Day, to hereafter be celebrated by all loyal Americans. By executive order president Trump has declared the removal of the old pledge of allegiance from all buildings, schools, and historical records. The old pledge is to be replaced by the following new alternative pledge, and is to be recited daily by all citizens of these United States.

The Pledge of Allegiance

I pledge allegiance to Donald Trump,

Ruler of what was once the United States of America,

And to the “Make America Great Again” slogan for which he stands.

Although we are a divided nation, no longer under God, split asunder by hatred and bigotry,

We have liberty for all, except Muslims, the LGBT community, immigrants,

and anyone he disagrees with,

And we have justice for all, except blacks, Hispanics, women, and reporters.

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