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Assualt With An Odorous Weapon

August 31, 2011

One of the pleasures in my life, besides, my wife, my step-daughters, my cats, golf, scotch, cigars, and my Jeep, is cooking.  There is something therapeutic about chopping, mincing, mixing, and sauteing the different ingredients of a meal and seeing them all come together in a delicious presentation that would rival any restaurant.  It is especially pleasurable watching others sit down and enjoy the fruits of my labor as they chow down.

The story behind me doing the cooking is simple.  When my wife and I were first married, the agreement was whoever came home first, cooked.  Over time it seemed I was always the one getting home first and it just evolved into me doing all the cooking.  I tease my wife that she used to drive by the house and if I wasn’t home yet she would circle the block until she saw me pull in the driveway.  Needless to say I enjoy cooking more than she does so it has worked out well.

You may know the story of how I got into Rachael Ray’s cookbooks, and if you don’t you can link from here.  Having started with her 30 minute recipes I have moved on to meals a little more complicated and actually healthier.  So besides other cookbooks, I subscribe to several magazines that are geared toward recipes, like Cook’s Illustrated, Cuisine at Home, and Bon Appetit.  It is the latter that has generated this blog.

When I cook I have a stand that holds the book or magazine that I am getting the recipe from.  So the particular one I am using usually sits in the kitchen, in the stand for at least a week as I prepare meals.  All of this works or worked fine until the September issue of Bon Appetit arrived.  Having grabbed it from the mailbox I sat down on the couch anxious to see what concoctions I was going to create in the weeks ahead.  My wife was sitting next to me quietly reading ghost stories, by the way she writes them also.   About eight or nine pages in I turned to an ad for Calvin Klein’s Euphoria, a perfume for women.

Now if you have ever subscribed to a woman’s magazine like, say Cosmo, you might expect an ad like this that reeks of the odor of the perfume.  I say odor as opposed to fragrance on purpose here.  But in a cooking magazine which one will hopefully be using and keeping in the kitchen, (remember the stand), having an ad that reeks of perfume is beyond comprehension.   As I quickly turned the page, naively thinking I could get away from the smell, my wife began to cough and say what is that smell.  Now to be fair, my wife has a nose that can detect the slightest odor, aroma, fragrance, or any deviation in the atmosphere in a nanosecond.  However, I too, who can hardly smell anything, knew we were being assaulted by this affront to our nostrils.  I had to rush the magazine out to the garbage bin and then rush to the sink to scrub my hands to get rid of the smell.  Needless to say, we were not euphoric!

This came as a total shock, much like when you enter Macy’s and some sales clerk sprays you with the scent of the day and says, “do you like it?” I immediately emailed Bon Appetit and canceled my subscription.  Or thought I had.  They emailed me back and said I would be put on the list for receiving non fragant issues, WTF!  I emailed back and said, you misunderstood, I don’t want any issues, period!  They are sending me a check for the balance of my subscription.

In the meantime, I am looking over the new issue of Cuisine at Home, laying out my menus for next weeks meals.  Bon Appetit!!



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