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The Night Before Impeachment

December 10, 2019

‘Twas the night before impeachment, when all through the White House

Not a politician was stirring, except Stephen Miller, the louse.

The wall was being built by money stolen from the Pentagon

In hopes that all the brown skinned immigrants would soon be gone.

 

Trump’s children were nestled all snug in their beds

While visions of profits danced in their heads.

And Melania in her own room, and Trump a floor above

Poor Baron asleep, whom no one seem to love.

 

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter

The Secret Service ran out to see what was the matter.

Away from the window Trump ran very fast,

Forgetting everyone else, trying to save his own ass.

 

The lights of the White House gave off a bright glow

Revealing a group on the lawn, that we all know.

Nancy Pelosi and Adam Schiff and Jerrold Nadler too,

All crying in unison, “Trump we’re coming after you.”

 

With subpoenas in hand, written by the Judiciary

Trump knew his presidency was about to be temporary.

More rabid than dogs, his enemies came,

Trump tweeted and tweeted calling them names.

 

“Now Nervous Nancy! Now little Adam Schiff!

You should be after Crooked Hillary!

Go find her emails that she cleverly hid,

She is the crook, certainly it’s not me.”

 

In the blink of an eye with warrants in hand

Swarmed in the FBI shouting just one command.

 

“You’re under arrest Mr. President,

Put your hands in the air.”

Trump cowered in a corner crying,

Arrest me! You wouldn’t dare.”

 

So, they led him outside to the waiting van

Where Pompeo and Barr sat cuffed as well.

Giuliani and Pence were chained in the back

And as they drove off everyone could tell.

This was the best Christmas of all

For at last we could say to all of these crooks, “Farewell.”

A Light Into the Darkness

November 8, 2019

The conflict had come to an end.

The wall of division had come down.

The actors had left the stage, and then

Cruel fate, unrelenting, stepped in.

 

The tension had been released.

Both sides agreed to step down.

Finally, a real chance for peace

‘Til the ray of hope was ceased.

 

The feet had come to a halt

The banners had been laid down.

Brotherhood seemingly bought.

Then again chaos was wrought.

 

Three souls had met their end

Long ago committed to the ground.

So now a darkness o’er the land reigns

So only one question remains.

 

Who will step up and put this darkness down?

 

 

 

The New Declaration of Independence.

October 21, 2019

rawImageWhen in the course of current events, it becomes necessary for the people to dissolve the political incompetents who have arisen, and to assume for the protection of the earth, and a respect for common decency, the requirement that they declare the reasons which impel them to this action.

We hold these truths to be unshakeable, that all persons are created equal, that all have unalienable rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights and reclaim them from the current political chaos, we need to change the self seeking imbecile currently in the White House.

When one man becomes as destructive to democracy as this megalomaniac, it is the right of the people to impeach him and replace him with someone who will respect the institutions in place and secure the Safety and Happiness of all. Prudence dictates that governments shall not be changed lightly and especially not for personal gain. But when a long train of abuses and lies, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Nepotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such imbeciles, and to provide new candidates for their future security.

Such has been the patient sufferance of the citizens of this country; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter those in government. The history of the present so-called President is a history of repeated injuries and lies, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good, by refusing, and encouraging his subordinates to refuse, to co-operate with investigations.

He has forbidden the Senators in his pocket to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has colluded with foreign governments to influence the outcome of our national election, and gone out of his way to cover up that collusion.

He has appointed heads to his Cabinet posts who are incompetent and are doing all they can to dismantle the very institutions they oversee.

He has put forth federal judges uniquely unqualified, yet loyal to his beliefs.

He has refused to accept or discuss the scientifically proven danger of climate change and has isolated our country from those who are working to heal the planet.

He has been accused, and bought off some of his accusers, of not only sexual harassment, but of rape.

He has ridiculed anyone who either disagrees with him or criticizes him in any way.

He has blatantly put family members in government positions allowing them to enrich themselves at the expense of the nation.

He has randomly placed tariffs on foreign goods, harming farmers, business owners, and the population of the nation as a whole.

He has abandoned our allies in favor of brutal dictators, leaving those who have fought with us to die en masse.

He has accepted the word of dictators over our own intelligence community and tried to undermine the work of our investigative bodies such as the CIA and FBI.

He has opened land for mining, oil exploration, and deforesting to the detriment of our environment.

He has diverted funds from an already struggling military to a useless border wall for an idea based on conspiracy theories, putting our national security at risk.

He is allowing a foreign government to purchase our military, essentially turning our fighting force into mercenaries.

He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, causing our nation to divide rather than work for the common good.

He has violated, and continues to violate, Article 1,Section 9, Paragraph 8 of the United States Constitution, known as the emoluments clause.

In every stage of these Oppressions, we have looked to Congress for redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated outcries have been answered only by repeated inaction. A President whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

We, therefore, the people of the United States of America, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good people of this country, solemnly publish and declare, That this pseudo-president be impeached and that the United States return to a government for the people and by the people. And that any and all who have colluded or aided in this President’s shenanigans be removed from public office and incarcerated along with him. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our vote, our taxes and our sacred Honor.

Signed by the

People of the United States of America

 

M.A.G.A.: Making America Go Awry

April 1, 2019

The past two years have been great fodder for comedians like Stephen Colbert and shows like Saturday Night Live. For those of us who enjoy satire the past two years have been the mother lode. I have written several poems and blogs about the chaos our current president has caused and also some about current issues. Some of these were tongue-in-cheek, some serious.

I have put some of my best, and some new material, in a book by the same title as this blog. The description is–

MakingAmericaGoAwryTwitter  Ever wonder what Trump will put in his letter to his successor?

Are you ready for the New Pledge of Allegiance?

Did God put Trump in office? Is Democracy dead?

With a mix of humor and some facts, this collection looks at the last two years and the political upheaval our nation has faced.

The intention is to make you laugh, possibly weep, and hopefully think.

You can grab a copy from Amazon

Let me know what you think!.

Why I Play Golf

July 9, 2018

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One of the funniest comedy routines I have ever heard is Robin Williams explaining the origins of golf.  If you have never listened to it, take a moment and do, then come back. Even the name Golf is funny. Legend says that originally it meant, Gentlemen Only, Ladies Forbidden. Some believe it came about because all the other four-letter words were taken. If you have ever played, you can relate. The actual origin is a bit more complex and likely came from a word meaning “club”. In any event, to play golf, you need a sense of humor.

There is a story about JC Penney, that when he would interview prospective managers, he would do so over lunch. If they salted their food before tasting it, he would not hire them. If I were to be in a position to hire someone, I would play a round of golf with them. I can think of nothing better as a test of one’s temperament. If you have ever watched the pros play, you have heard four-letter words even from them.

A few years back a friend and I played and being only two they put us with another player. When we got to the third hole, a long par four, it was backed up because someone had a heart attack about halfway down the fairway. The medics were there already. The guy with us starting cussing and telling the people ahead of us to go ahead and tee off, they could just play around the medics. At that point, my friend and I excused ourselves and said we would play another time. Golf can bring out the best or the worst in people.

969070_10151720270399131_1279878903_nGolf requires patience, concentration, honesty, and above all else it is humbling. Over the years I have been lucky enough to have two holes in one, but I have also caught two of my drives off the tee. The first hole in one was the first hole at Sunnyvale Gardens, a par 3, 155 yards. The second at Deep Cliff in Cupertino, a par three, 120 yards. The first drive that I caught was when the ball hit a tree and came straight back, the second hit a fence rail and came back. The point of me telling you this is golf can be rewarding and extremely frustrating.

What I like most about it, is it is an individual sport. Anyone can play it, it is a leveler of differences in age, athletic ability, and gender. People who are good at other sports can either be good or bad at golf. Like any sport, it does take practice, but even then most of us are mediocre at best. Just when you think you have mastered it, you watch your ball disappear into water, or grass so high you will never find it.

Playing eighteen holes usually takes about four hours. That is four hours of being out in fresh air, getting some exercise, and spending time with your spouse and friends. Some people think that golf is expensive. This is only partially true. Yes, you can spend a lot of money on equipment and courses like Pebble Beach, but you can also spend less than say a ski trip to the mountains. And best of all, in California at least, you can play pretty much year round.

The game is a metaphor for life. You do your best, the results are not always good, but no matter where the ball lands, you have the potential of what the next shot will bring. They say golf is eighty percent mental and twenty percent skill. Golf and life are more about one’s attitude than anything else. Both require a positive mindset if you are going to enjoy either.

I started this with Robin Williams and to end, I offer another hilarious view of golf.  The majority of us will never be at the level of Tiger Woods or any of the professional golfers, so all we can do is hope to play bad golf well. Leslie Nielsen made a film about just that.

So keep your head down, count all your strokes, and enjoy life, even if you never play the game of golf.

 

The Great Tea Adventure!

July 2, 2018

cg49VTy4hZQjJYpFj93W7RU9HJW3YQ_iwVae8j6PHTEiCGMgl2YdCF9xUfZN0DmdgRHK2w=s170To my surprise, after over fifty years of drinking coffee, I was able to kick the coffee habit and switch to green tea. Coffee used to be my kick-start every day. We had an electric pot that I could preset, so that every morning a fresh pot was ready when we got out of bed. My habit was to drink a few cups at home and continue drinking at work until 9 am.

I drank my coffee strong and black, buying ground beans that were a combination of expresso and dark Colombian roast. Guests in our home would always comment on how strong our coffee was. I tried once before to quit, but the intensity of the headaches that followed were too much, I gave in.  This time I weaned myself slowly, decreasing the amount each day until I switched completely to green tea.

5666EB8A-ABC4-E28A-4C90-94D0F94436E6-5278We buy Yogi Pure Green Tea now and I don’t miss coffee. If we go out for breakfast we bring tea bags and the temptation to have coffee has disappeared. While we originally bought our tea at places like Whole Foods, I discovered a better price through Amazon. We could buy six boxes, and being Prime members received our order in two days.

At least that was until my last order. For whatever reason, the order was filled by ProDepot and not direct from Amazon. The order was placed on June 11 and since this was not Prime, the shipping estimate was for the week of the 23rd. This was not a problem as we had a couple boxes left. The week of the 23rd came and went and still no tea. We ran out, but I luckily our local store carries it.  We then received a new estimate of delivery of July 5th.

This was nuts! I contacted the seller and said why is this taking so long, only to get a reply that said that was how I had ordered. What? My first thought was maybe they were making each teabag by hand, handcrafted especially for me in China, boxed in the Philippines, and shipped by row boat into San Francisco where the package would be transferred to a delivery service using bicycles to ride down Highway 1 to our house.

The truth became even stranger. According to the shipping information, the package of green tea was on its way via FedEx from the ProDepot facility in Michigan. Having a tracking number, I was now able to follow the progress of the package and here is where things got weird.

The package supposedly left ProDepot on June 12 but did not arrive at the first shipping point until June 22. The first shipping point was in Livonia, Michigan. Why did it take ten days to start the journey, who knows? Did shipping and receiving at ProDepot print a shipping label and forget to give it to FedEx? Did the employees decide to drink the tea and had to refill the order when the new stock arrived? Did the FedEx driver leave the package on his truck behind his seat under his winter coat he hadn’t used since the last snow? Whatever, this was not the strangest part of the tea’s journey.

The package left Livonia at 10:21 pm on the 22nd and arrived at the next stop at 1:21 am on the 23rd in Perrysburg, Ohio. Now according to Google Maps this is a one hour nineteen minute drive, it took three hours. Maybe Gilligan was driving the truck.

At 8:12 am on the 23rd the package left Perrysburg and arrived in New Berlin, Wisconsin on the 25th at 5:58 pm. I guess the drivers don’t work on the weekends as this is about a five hour drive.

Here is where things get even stranger. Originally, as I tracked this package it left Wisconsin, went back to Illinois, then to Kansas, to Texas, to New Mexico, and finally to California. Why in the world it went back to Illinois, I have no idea. Now, when I look at the history, it shows it left Wisconsin on the 26th, arriving in Sacramento, California on the 29th, and delivered to me on the 30th. Why the history changed from the day to day tracking I have no clue other than to assume it was fake news.

We did receive the package on the 30th at least. So it took nineteen days to get green tea from Michigan to California. Needless to say, I won’t be ordering from ProDepot again and if I do order from Amazon, I will make sure it is coming from them direct and not a secondary source.

What a headache! Almost makes me wish I had a cup of coffee!

I Wasn’t Supposed To Be Left Handed!

February 17, 2018

Fathers often see themselves in their sons. Hoping the son can be what the father wanted but never became. While my dad was good at baseball, he played for recreation. In me, he saw the potential of going beyond the sandlot.

His vision was for me to be a pitcher. He also knew that left handed pitchers have an advantage. They not only have a natural curve, but can throw to first base faster to catch a runner off the bag. So he made sure that I am left handed.

It wasn’t that long ago teachers, parents, and society felt there was something wrong with being left handed and many potential lefties were turned into righties.  After all 85-90 per cent of people are right handed, let’s make the kid go with the flow. Not my dad.

To his dismay, I was terrible at baseball. I have to give him E for effort as he tried his best to turn me into a Sandy Koufax. We would go out on the front lawn and play catch. After warming me up, he would get into a catcher’s stance and tell me to fire away. Some of my pitches were close enough for him to catch, but after about five or six going over his head or left/right, he would throw his glove down and go back in the house.

59635_10151202356794235_1349089457_nStill, he had high hopes. When spring came and I was old enough for little league, he had me try out and even agreed to coach the team. What he forgot to tell me was that pitchers in a real game pitch off a mound. My front yard was flat. None of my try out pitches made it to home plate, unless you discount the first bounce.

Deciding pitching was not my forte’, and being the only left-hander on the team, they put me at first base. The only problem with that is the first basemen needs to be able to catch throws to first. My catching ability was a hair better than my pitching, but after letting too many runners find second base, my days of playing in the infield were over.

So into the outfield I went. Now the outfield is a cool place, you are out there in your area with no one to bother you and you can contemplate the meaning of life. Unfortunately, every once in a while a batter from the opposing team would hit a ball far enough to head my way. If it was on the ground, no problem, my dad had taught me to drop in front if it and not let it shoot through my legs. But at times a good hitter would hit a fly ball high and in my direction.

There must be a gene missing in my DNA, the one that lets your eye track a ball in the air well enough so you have an idea where it is coming down. I could see the ball against the sky and would wait for it to come down, only to find myself about thirty feet from where it landed behind me. Now when I missed a ball playing first, the worst thing was the runner got to second or maybe third. Missing a ball in the outfield, scrambling back to get it, and throwing to the second baseman, usually meant someone would be crossing home plate.

So after my pitching career ended, my first base stint was over, and my outfielding skills were apparent, my dad found a position for me that I could handle. The nice thing about warming the bench was being able to yell at the other team’s pitcher, rattling his cage. Thanks to my dad, and my early training, I have always been really good at rattling cages.

If left alone, would I have been left handed? I will never know. I throw left handed, write, shoot pool, and bowl left-handed. But I bat and golf right-handed. I am left eye  dominant. Give me a pair of scissors and I can’t cut with either hand. So who knows?

One thing I do is write with my left hand like a right-hander. By that I mean I don’t bend my left hand as if I am writing upside down like a lot of left handed people. This is because I learned early on to do the opposite when instructed. So when the teacher said everyone turn your paper so the top is to the left, I went right. Many lefties didn’t and so had to bend their wrists to write across the page. Only problem is my writing is so bad even I have a hard time reading it.

The only time being a leftie was an issue was when I was in the Army. You guessed it. I found myself saluting with my left hand. After being dressed down several times by officers, I did manage to break that habit. They did not like my explanation that if the salute was originally meant to show no weapon in one’s hand, it made sense for me to salute left handed as that is where I would carry a weapon. Even in the Army, I couldn’t help but rattle a few cages.

Was I meant to be left-handed? Who knows. I do know I must be left brained because I hear people say I am not in my right mind.